My husband is awesome...why do I keep looking for "the big lie?"?

I adore my husband..even though he tells me everyday that he loves me, is incredibly affectionate and a perfect mate, I feel like it can't be real. I went through a bad break with my ex of 15 years after he cheated. I'm uming my current behavior is from that situation, but it is ridiculous. My husband is so good to me I can't understand why I can't see through it. My ex was an incredible liar and manipulator, and I am blessed to have found my new husband and have the marriage that we do. But, all the little things bother me. I found an old journal of my husbands that he was keeping about his now ex wife during their separation.. He talked about loving her, which he told me he didn't think he ever really did. So, I felt like he lied to me. This has been 5 years ago, and my husband has done nothing but be wonderful to me. What is wrong with me??!!! I'm driving myself crazy when I have an amazing husband and life!!!