Small excerpt. I NEED HARSH CRITICISM!?

Fixing things for the editor, not for strangers who may or may not want to steal your ideas. Continue with your story! The longer you wait on the beginning the harder it will be to move on. When I write its like this....thenn shE walced intu the uhther room. Okay not really, but my point is corrections are for afterwards. It's as good as it's going to get. Keep writing :)