Help me open my mind?

After realizing that my dad is diagnosed with colon cancer for 3rd stage and lung cancer, that the colon cancer cells has dissipated to, I have been an emotional wreck. Despite that my dad is already in the recovering process of the cancer and applying chemotherapy, I could not overcome my emotions and fear, the fear that my family is drifting away from me, the fear that my dad will abandon the world someday, the fear that i am losing MYSELF. I could not open up my heart to my friends nor anyone. I act trivial toward them as if i am perfectly fine. But deep down in my heart, i feel agony, impotence, inferiority, and depressed. Both my parents have traveled to another country in order to heal my dad's cancer. When i talk to my friends, I do not have that mood anymore. At school, i no longer worry about grades, instead all i do is daydream and ponder when i will be able to visit my father once again. Many people have tried broadening my secluded narrow mind, yet it never seems to work. Moreover, i have been hurt by my parents many times due to their verbal abuse. My dad's scorn of my stupidity and my mom's scold for being too genuine and necessity to toughen up. My mother's goal for me to be what she wants me to be. THis is what confuses me. On one hand, i abhor my parents for making me feel inferior. On the other hand, if i can not abhor them due to the fact that they are my family and the definition of family is unconditional love. Thus, it is often foilsome for me to express my thoughts to them, i do not want them to be in agony, especially when my mother is always worrying of taking care of the family and my father's health. If i tell them the truth, i feel that i would only hurt them even more. I really have a conflict with expressing my grief and anger to friends and family. From having difficulty of expressing my wrath to my parents to my agony of family love to not knowing what to do for my life, i feel like a little girl in a lost forest, where i no longer can see my future, I only see a foreshadow of a gloomy, lonely maze of my path.